Monday, 8 October 2012


Breaking News
Following the launch last week of a huge nation-wide manhunt for creepy killer cop Simon Walker, police are today requesting the public's help to answer the question: Where's Walker?

  32 year old Walker is wanted by police for questioning in connection with the shooting last week of local pretend footballer Riley Costello, and pointless attack on undercover boss cop DI Shawnee Shawnee.  Police suspect he may also be involved in crimes against fashion, including the wearing of horrific dad jeans during an undercover operation in August.
"The jeans were both unflattering and unfashionable," remarked busty blonde ladycop DI Small, who is leading the investigation.  "There's no excuse for that kind of behaviour.  We need to catch this man."
Posters and flyers have been circulated in the Hollyoaks area (approximately 40 square yards), and police are urging anyone with information to come forward. 
Walker is around 6ft tall, of medium build, and walks with a noticably snake-hipped gait. He was last seen wearing dark clothing, but police believe he may now be wearing a distinctive red-and-white striped jumper and matching bobble hat.
"We believe he is hiding in large crowds to avoid detection", disclosed DI Small.  There have been several reported sightings already, with members of the public claiming to have spotted him in a football stadium, a busy street market, and a roman army camp.

Several witnesses report seeing Walker in this beach scene, but forensic experts have been unable to make a positive identification.
"We thought we'd found him at one point", admitted a senior evidence technician, "but it turned out just to be a stripey towel."
 It is possible that Walker may also have altered his appearance, so police have released a series of E-fit pictures showing how he may look now: 
Walker may have altered his appearance to appear less noticable.
 "He is a master of disguise," pointed out DI Small, "an expert at blending into a crowd." She added that his undercover police training will make him difficult to track down, so information from the public could be vital. 
Anyone with knowledge of his wherebouts is asked to contact the incident room, but advised not to approach him, as he is considered armed and dangerous.
"Walker has considerable ninja skills and may be carrying offensive weapons," warns DI Small, "it's possible he may be armed with fake grenades, or ill-fitting denim casualwear."

No comments:

Post a Comment